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This morning, I was doing the usual, going through my email and my Twitter feed. Each morning before I start my day, I spend about an hour or so cleaning up email, reading my trade publications and then checking out articles & links on Twitter. I came across a blog of a young woman. Her blog was not unlike many other blogs I've come across in the past two years. Blogs of women, mommy bloggers, young professionals, 20-something writers, etc. Now, I am stepping out a limb when I say this but, here I go... YOUR BLOG SUCKS. I don't care if your best friend tells you how awesome it is and how cute the pictures of your puppy or your new baby are - it still SUCKS.



I am going to tell you why your blog sucks.
1. Because you grew up in a small town outside of some metropolitan area and have never ventured more than 300 miles away from your home

2. Because your poodle/maltese/Shizhu is just not that cute and certainly not interesting enough to warrant even ONE blog post

3. Because you more than likely got married in a bland ballroom in some 2nd rate hotel with 200 of your closest friends

4. Because you shop at Crate & Barrel & Pottery Barn

5. Because you own a pair of khaki pants and you think that is acceptable for a woman

6. Because you think Disney Land is an appropriate destination for two adults vacationing without children

7. Because you consider Mexico exotic

8. Because you met your husband in Jr. High

9. Because your child's name was one of the top 10 most popular names the year your child was born
10. Because you eat Hamburger Helper

11. Because your idea of a wild time is a game of Scruples

12. Because you've sold six things on Etsy

13. Because your photos of the oak tree in your front yard are not that great, everyone is just being polite

14. Because your cooking is just like everybody else's cooking and you will never be the next Giada or Rachel Ray

15. Because sixth graders can decorate a holiday table better than you can


My list seems pretty harsh, I know. I've picked on everyone, I know. In fact, I fall into that list multiple times myself. But that is the point. 95% (or more) of the blogs out there are boring and they talk about the same thing. Rarely are these people speaking with authority on anything. Or, what is worse, they ARE speaking as an authority and they are not an authority.

The bottom line is - your blog sucks because you don't take risks. Take a risk people! Say something that might offend someone every once in a while. Do something scary. Go some place that would make your neighbors cringe. Eat something that grosses you out. Talk to someone who doesn't do what you do or dress the way you dress. Get off the beaten path... And then...write about that.

Now, go ahead and make your anonymous comments insulting me. I promise to publish all of your hurtful words.

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Labels: blogging, leyla, Random

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About a week and a half ago, I received a call from my friend Charles. Charles was in Australia en route to Bali, en route to Singapore, en route to Paris for an annual conference. This time around, Charles was to be on the road for three consecutive weeks; this is not out of the ordinary. What he told me next was out of the ordinary.

Charles is married to Erica. They've been together for over a decade and they have four children (9, 6, 2.5, 1.5). Unlike Charles, Erica rarely travels, she is a stay at home mom. Charles explained to me that he was to fly Erica out to Paris for a week but they needed someone to help the nanny out with the kids. I said, "Say no more, I am your woman."

Anyone who has ever met me knows that I do not like children - most children. I often refer to children as mosquitoes. I find children to be horribly annoying, always buzzing in your ear. You swat them away and they come right back.

I agreed to watch Charles & Erica's lovely kids for a few reasons.

• I like Charles & Erica and they deserve some time alone (I believe this is their first "real" vacation without the kids)
• I love Charles & Erica's four kids. I have been close with the oldest since she was born but I don't know the other kids as well.
• Their nanny is going to be present the WHOLE time, I am just there to help with dinner, homework and bed time.
• Quite frankly, the last reason is selfish. I do not have children and at times I wonder what it would be like to have babies stuck to my side

After agreeing to help out Monday through Friday, I get a second phone call, this time from Erica. Erica informs me that Charles' meetings were canceled on Monday and that she is going to fly out a day early to spend the day with him on Monday. What does this mean for Leyla? It means, Leyla's services are required ONE day early.... and, Leyla is to fly solo on Sunday night and take the kids to school Monday morning.

Is It Friday Yet?
I arrived at my friends' loft in the west loop at 7p on Sunday night. The nanny was there finishing up with the evening bedtime activities. The kids go to bed between 6:45p and 8:30p. The nanny showed me around a bit and then she took off. I stayed up with the oldest for another hour or so and then I was alone. The house was quiet, it was sort of sad without the cheerful voices which normally guide the household. 10p seemed like 2am.

Sunday night was filled with paranoia (for me). I was instructed to wake each child between 10p and 11p and make them go to the washroom so no one has an accident. This was tough because waking a sleeping child just seems wrong but I am an extreme follower of the rules so I did exactly as I was instructed. I checked the baby 3X and his diaper was dry, I finally went to sleep as soon as the Oscars were over.

I woke up several times throughout the night; I thought I heard crying babies. My friends live in nearly a 5000 square foot loft and the kids bedrooms are far from their bedroom (where I was sleeping). I got up at 1am and 2am, walked to the upstairs bedrooms to check on the two older kids and then to the back bedrooms to check on the two younger kids. No crying. It was all in my head. Finally, I fell back asleep.

600a came very quickly. The oldest insisted that I wake her, she wanted to assist me with breakfast for the kids. We got everyone's breakfast ready, packed their "snacks" into their backpacks and then woke everyone up.



After breakfast, I cleaned a very poopie diaper. I think I used 72 baby wipes and had poop under my long finger nails (don't worry, I washed my hands THOROUGHLY).

School time, I had to get the two older kids to school. I put shoes on the 2 year old and grabbed the baby (no socks or shoes, I ran out of time) and headed for the garage. Thank god for the 9 year old, without her, I would've been lost! Literally.

The kids took me to the car, they told me how to get out of the garage. I almost crashed the car coming out of the garage and I said the "S" word very loudly, multiple times as I tried really hard to steer the car away from a big yellow pole. I suck at driving. I then almost crashed again coming out of the garage - but I made it. I apologized to the kids for using profanity.

The second nanny showed up at 9a and I was relieved. My responsibilities lighten for the rest of the week as nanny #2 will be there 24 hours a day.

Highlights of my adventures in babysitting:

• Homework with the 6 year old where we read for a half hour and then played hangman for 2 hours and then drew pictures of dinosaurs on his chalkboard.
• On day 2, I was 15 mins late, the 6 year old says to me: "Don't worry, we all make mistakes" when I walk in the door
• Tonight, after bath time, the 6 year old "shaved". Apparently, he has a platic shave kit in his bathroom with real shaving cream. After his bath, I watched him cover his ENTIRE face with shaving cream and then scrape it off with his fake, plastic razor.
• The 2.5 year old only wears princess dresses
• The 1.5 year old is a big chunk of joy
• Homework is really boring
• Watching kids is REALLY, REALLY tiring. I slept 10 hours last night!

Me and the six year old and our dinosaur drawings!





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Labels: leyla, Life, Random

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I started this ridiculous 28 Day Blogging Challenge that the infamous @thescottbishop implemented. At first, I was hesitant to join but then I became agreeable and joined his herd of bloggers. That was a mistake and I am here to tell you why.

I started this blog because I wanted a platform; a place where I could say whatever the BLEEP I wanted to say. I started out without much fear but had to curb that and tame it down a bit because my readership grew and I feared I would be held accountable for my words (which is a real fear). As I started to realize how to grow a base of "readers", I found myself writing less for me and more for them. Now, I go back and forth - sometimes I write for my readers and sometimes I write for me. I write about work-related stuff and I write about me-related stuff. Some of you are here for me and some of you are here for the valuable information I give away.

When I started the 28 Day Blogging Challenge, I stopped writing for me, I stopped writing for you - I started WRITING FOR SCOTT BISHOP. My blog became work and I stopped writing. I write for work ENOUGH. I write a blog for a client and I am in the process of writing 90% of the content for a website I've developing for forever and a day. The last thing I need is to put a deadline or some sort of a parameter on MY PERSONAL BLOG.

Here is what happened...
I started strong. I wanted to meet @thescottbishop's challenge. And, for about 2 days, I did. By day 3, I started to hate Scott Bishop with a burning passion. I found myself saying horrible things about Scott Bishop - loudly and in public. I would forget to blog, realize I had forgotten just as I was falling asleep and get out of bed to write a damn post! The first day I skipped a post, I was riddled with guilt and felt the need to apologize to Scott Bishop.

By the second time I forgot to blog, I felt guilt, resentment, anger and feelings of failure. All because of a stupid 28 Day Blogging Challenge. When this happens to me, I bury things. So, I buried MY BLOG! THIS PLATFORM OF MINE THAT I LOVE. All because of SCOTT BISHOP!!!! The last straw was last week when I had horrible dreams about Scott. I dreamed that he had kidnapped me and was making me drive the getaway car as he knocked off gas stations and liquor stores. True story. I really did have that dream. That was when I had to quit.

Clearly, I know that the aggression was mis-directed. Scott didn't do anything wrong! Scott came up with a brilliant idea, a great challenge. The anger was misguided. I was really mad at MYSELF for sucking but my brain is really good at pointing fingers.

What did the 28 Day Challenge prove to me? What were my results? I will tell you - Look at my last post, it was February 19th! Look at my other posts, I rarely skip more than 2 days. What I learned was... When forced to write, Leyla doesn't write!

From this point forward, I write what I want, when I want about what I want! Got it Scott Bishop!?! You are not the boss of me!

Labels: 28 Day Challenge, leyla