Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: To Prove I Am Not Perfect

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

To Prove I Am Not Perfect


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I want to take a moment and reflect on my past in an effort to bring to light all of the things that make me imperfect. I believe the best way to achieve this goal would be to put together a list.

1. I have a scar on my chin. When I was 14, I was body surfing (or so I thought I was) in Ocean City, Maryland. A giant wave crashed on me, dropped me into the bed of the ocean chin first. The current then pulled me back, still chin-planted, my chin was dragging across the floor of the ocean. The current then picked up the back of my legs and flipped them back over my head - almost like a backwards summer salt. To make it more clear, my chin was planted into the ocean bed, facing forward, and my feet were over my head. I thought I was dead but when I was finally able to stand, I realized that I was only gushing blood. My mother started to scream when she saw the blood and I was thinking "shut up lady, I just nearly snapped my neck."

2. I tried to commit suicide when I was 10 by drinking perfume. Aside from being a significant character flaw, it was also incredibly stupid.

3. I had terrible grades in high school, my interests lied elsewhere.

4. When I was two years old, a piano bench fell on my left, big toe and nearly chopped it off. My mother, being foreign, didn't take me to get stitches because she was freaked out by stitches. As a result, I have a really weird, bulbous tip on my left big toe. The elderly Vietnamese woman who gives me my pedicures is likely grossed out by me.

5. I cannot play any musical instrument whatsoever and I am tone deaf.

6. I cannot sew and I am terrible when it comes to anything domestic.

7. I possess no maternal instinct. When I see children in malls or other public places, I get a chill up my spine. I fear they will come near me, or worse, try to talk to me. I think of children as being the equivalent of mosquitoes.

8. I am self-centered. When I need something, I ask for it, if I am sad, I tell someone. The problem is, I assume that everyone is the same. I expect my friends to tell me when they're sad or depressed. I have a hard time recognizing when people are in need and therefore give the impression that I don't care.

9. I am a terrible driver.

10. I have trouble showing emotion in real life but I will cry like a baby in a movie.

11. I am lazy and I expect people to do things for me and I don't want to do anything in return.

12. I pretend to know more than I really do.

13. I have a tendency to be shallow.

14. I don't think I have been faithful to a single boyfriend I have ever dated.


OK, there you go, there you have it. Here is a blog that doesn't talk about how "awesome" I am. It is pretty honest, not too terrible.
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