Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: The Spa at Caesar's Palace

Monday, March 2, 2009

The Spa at Caesar's Palace

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The Spa at Caesar's Palace - my billion dollar experience. 

I flew on Delta Airlines, first class, and arrived in Las Vegas at 1PM on Friday afternoon. Why do I mention that I flew first class, to draw a complete picture, partially to brag and partially to tell you that I had a great experience with Delta and highly recommend flying with Delta.

I phoned my girlfriends upon arrival, they were already sipping champagne in the spa while getting their hair extensions weaved into their heads. I pulled up to the hotel and went directly to the spa where they held my bags as I was treated to a manicure, pedicure, spray tan and a make-up application. The spa is exactly what one might expect to find at Caesar’s Palace – clean, indulgent and the staff was more than accommodating.

As soon as I entered the mani/pedi area, I was offered a mimosa or a glass of wine, I opted for the glass of wine. I then upgraded my mani/pedi for a paraffin treatment as my hands and feet were so DRY from this brutal, unending Chicago winter. The girls scrubbed my feet and polished my nails as we chatted about the usual Vegas topics: hookers, the economy, Jenna Jameson, falling housing prices, booze, nightclubs, their husbands, their ex-husbands, their baby-daddies, their boob jobs and their children.

Once my fingers and my toes dried a little, I was escorted to the spray tan area. This was the real deal, where you stand naked with your arms and legs spread and a woman literally spray paints your body. I was nervous, I am not as svelte as I once was, but I figured in Vegas, the woman operating the spray tan device has likely seen it all. Once I was toned & contoured with the spray tan, I looked fantastic.

All bronzed up and ready to go. 

Next was my make up application. Dede was my make-up artist, I was told she was the best. I pleaded with her NOT to make me look like a tranny and she laughed. I knew the likelihood of Dede making me out to look like “Victor-Victoria” (a woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman) was quite high in probability. Any time I get my make-up done professionally, I come out looking like a man dressed like a woman. Dede did the quintessential Las Vegas smokey-eye look that is popular with all the 20-something tramps that come through town. She also applied individual eye lashes – longer in the corners, I looked just like J. Lo’s female impersonator.

Finally, we opted for the AIRBRUSH make-up application for a flawless look. What is this you ask? I had to ask as well. Basically, Dede loaded liquid foundation into an airbrush machine (just like the ones you see at the carnival) and then she stood about a foot away from my face and literally spray painted my face. All of my blemishes, freckles, imperfections were covered with a heavy coat of paint, I mean make-up. She then went over my face in certain areas with a different color to contour my face, a feeble attempt at making my face look slightly more natural using unnatural methods. When it was all said and done, I weighed an additional pound or two due to the loads of make-up.  

At the end of the night, it took me more than 15 minutes to wash off my face. I nearly saved the wash cloth as a memento, as I had never before seen more brown and beige make-up on a white wash cloth.

How did I look? Well, I received compliments, for what that’s worth, but what do you say to someone when you’re caught starring at them? You pay them a compliment. I did notice one thing when I was waiting in line at the nightclub. The girls waiting in line behind me, they were wearing my same face. Apparently, all the make-up artists in Vegas are good at making all the girls look exactly the same. When I commented, “Look, those girls have my same face on,” the girls in front of me laughed hysterically. This leads me to believe that they too had on my face one time or another while in Vegas.

I looked like every other girl in da club. We all had the same painted  face.

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