Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Mommy Blogger I Am Not

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Mommy Blogger I Am Not


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Mommy Blogger I am not...however, today I feel like one.

I have so much to do, the kids are driving me crazy, my mother is getting older, we're strapped on funds and I get drunk by 8pm every night - Mommies can relate, right? None of those things are true, that is just how I mock Mommy Bloggers. I imagine they all bitch about stupid things like "I have to stay home with the kids while my husband works and I can't define myself". WAAAAAHHHH. Here's a thought, get a fucking job.

In reality, Mommy Bloggers make me crazy because they have SO MUCH POWER. I could only dream of having that kind of power. They are every where and some of the most successful bloggers on the net are MOMMY BLOGGERS. I just picture a bunch of women sitting around wondering what to do after Oprah and before their husband comes home with carry-out Thai food. To kill the passing time, they read Mommy Blogs. Or, they get drunk at "play dates". In case you're single and don't know what a Play Date is... "play date" is synonymous for "bored housewives getting drunk while their children play with sharp objects."



Last night I spent about five hours re-working my blog and creating a custom template. That was a ton of fun, I truly enjoy it. I still have a lot to tweak in terms of the design so be on the lookout...it's important!

I walked over to my mom's for dinner around 8pm. She was a little upset because I let the hours slip away from me and I was an hour late for dinner. Thus, my lamb was cold. My mom and I watched JumpTV, her "Turkish Television," until I couldn't take it anymore and I made her tun on the normal TV.

Last night was SUPER COLD (for the second week of April it was 40 degrees), I was very lazy, too tired and cold to walk home, so I slept over at my mom's.

Today I had breakfast with an old friend (I am like a retired person, I must schedule myself up all day, every day) and then I went home. I dicked around on the computer doing some THINGS, necessary things. Then, I cleaned FOR HOURS. I did 2 loads of laundry, organized the closet, loaded/unloaded dishwasher, removed all my books from my shelves and dusted the shelves...finally, I made dinner and ate.

Tomorrow, I have another lunch. I feel like the lunches will never end.

32 comments :

Anonymous said...

It's kind of sad that you actually had the time to write all that up.

Too bad your mom didn't have more play dates for you.

leyla a. said...

My mom was a stay at home mom. Thanks for your thoughts. Next time, step up and do it publicly.

I asked a question...that's all!

Natalie said...

i saw your tweets and can understand your question. i think it helps that mike and heather aren't the ones who set up the paypal button. their friends were trying to be compassionate and help out in any way they could. so many people read their blogs and have felt like a part of their family because of how open they have shared maddie. because everyone felt shock and sadness over the loss of little maddie people did all kinds of things as a way to honor her. flowers were planted, balloons released, purple worn, and yes money was given. i think everything that's been done has been done out of love and support for the spohrs. i would imagine that both heather and mike would say enough is enough at some point. they won't just continue to take money from people after their expenses are paid. they aren't like that.

leyla, my turkish american friend, i hope you don't experience backlash from the blogging community for this post. i do understand what you are saying. i am a mommyblogger of a sort, and i wasn't offended. i am glad that you are comfortable with speaking your mind. we all are entitled to our opinions. i just hope it doesn't hurt you. blessings!

leyla a. said...

Natalie, I am already seeing a backlash.

Thank you, your clarification makes it much more clear. From an outsiders perspective, you see that the topic is one of the most searched subjects on Twitter. The family also has thousands of followers. I clicked on the site because I couldn't click on the blog due to heavy traffic.

When I click on the site, I see a donation button for the MOD, which makes perfect sense.

Their goal was to raise 3K, they've raised 28K - again that is great. But that is a lot of money to raise in a short time, a lot of people are passionate about this story.

Then I see the Paypal button and it raised an eyebrow because with the number of followers and the amount of money they were able to raise for the MOD, it made me speculate how much money they were willing to take in family donations. I said something but I am sure I'm not the only person who has wondered if this is ethical or not.

I didn't say anything harsh or disrepectful and I didn't know today was the funeral. But, in my defense, they are discussing a death in a very public forum. People should expect that some might disagree.

And for the idiot woman who PUBLICIZED MY BLOG. This was not at all my intention. Otherwise, I would have publicized the blog with my paypal button on it!

Finally, this blog post is a complete coincidence.

Major Bedhead said...

I stay at home with my children because putting them in daycare would cost more than the salary I could make. Some days I love it, some days I hate it, just like any other job. It's mostly thankless and most people dismiss me as "just a mom" and can't see past the mom part to the person I am. So I blog to get that other voice out there, the one that is confused or scared or happy or just plain fucked up.

And I do have a job. I work at night, part time, at Target, a job that is so mind-numbingly boring that I want to slit my wrists some days. But it's a paycheck and until my children are all in school full-time, it's all I can afford to do. Don't dismiss all of us as whiny, petty people. Most of us are struggling along, just like everyone else in this world.

I did come here via Twitter, but I'm not here to cause problems, just here to put my opinionated two cents in.

leyla a. said...

Thank you major beadhead. But please remember, this is my personal blog that is a "sarcastic commentary".

Major Bedhead said...

I get that. This just hits a bit of a raw nerve with me because I get so tired of the us vs. them thing when it comes to having kids or not having kids, you know? Everyone makes their own choices, choices they have to live with and very few of those choices are completely positive. People like to complain about the crap going on in their lives and most of those complaints are valid to that person. While I might not be able to relate to a single girl's complaints at this point in my life or she to mine, we're all still women, trying our best. It seems pointless to cut each other up over it.

I do get that you were being snarky. I get snarky, I like snarky. Sometimes, though, I get in a mood and have to spout off. Lucky you, huh?

Lora said...

While you might be asking a legit question, your timing is suspect and makes it appear as though you are trying to gain attention off the horrific pain and loss of someone's child. While I am sure you would deny it - and hopefully it isn't your intent - just *asking the question* and then tweeting multiple times about it does cause one to wonder about your motives.

Perhaps in the future you might reconsider your need to draw attention to someone's pain and choose instead to give them their day of mourning. You can always ask the question tomorrow if all you are hoping to receive is info.

leyla a. said...

I stopped any replies with the #maddie subject STRAIGHT away when I realized the potential attention. I made a few @replies, directly to those who were replying to me, which I should have NEVER DONE. I sent a message to the woman who told everyone to look at my blog to stop, she continued. Your community chose to publicize this. One woman re-tweeted everything with my name mentioned in it. Why!?!?!?!??!

I then stopped replying entirely for the very reason you mention. My comment was not made for attention. The blog post, complete coincidence. Its one of my favorite posts or I'd take it down.

Miss Grace said...

While I think I understand the satirical point of this post, I can't help but take some offense.

Because just like any stereotype, it doesn't capture the whole story, and is, therefore, offensive.

Anonymous said...

Why? Because your a motherfucking idiot. Shut up and grow up, bitch.

Lindsay said...

Leyla,
Although I get that your commentary is sarcastic, you waving a glass of wine and a cigarette over a baby (please, God, tell me that's a baby doll, and not a real live human) are so clueless about real parenting that it would be laughable-if you weren't in another medium slamming a mom who buried her baby today. You call it asking the question, I call it a cheap shot. I guess we'll agree to disagree.

Yes, friends of Heather and Mike set up a Paypal for direct donations. Because it cost $12,000 to bury their toddler. Would you have that kind of change lying around waiting for the unexpected demise of your usually quite healthy baby? And we won't even talk about the medical bills for the past few months.

Think, for a moment, about the depths of what these parents are going through. Go search the flicker stream for "spohrsaremultiplying". And look at the 13,000 pictures they put up of the baby they cherished over the 17 months she was on this earth. Read their blog posts about her. THEN question their integrity. I feel like being much ruder, but I think I will leave it at that out of respect for the Spohrs. I know you're young and don't have kids. So I know you have no idea what it would feel like to lose one. And that is probably why you should have kept your trap shut.

leyla a. said...

Yes, well, it was probably supposed to offend you. That's usually what I do.

In light of my current situation, I am trying to keept it clean. But, I'm kinda losing the spirit of the blog here.

Katie said...

"My comment was not made for attention."

Yes, but you just so happened to rework your blog recently and then write a blog post directly related to the whole thing and then keep fueling the debate on your twitter. No, really. You're not doing any of this for attention. Hard to believe when your actions are in complete opposition to your words.

Kat said...

i think it's funny that you write "your community" what community is that? the mommy blogger community? i read the mom blogs and by no means am i a mom. i'm 27 and no kids. i read "them" because i look for the writer...who cares if they are a mom or not?

come on, admit it. questioning the means of raising funds for people on twitter was a little insensitive given the circumstances. plus - give people some credit. it's twitter - it's a public domain i.e. things will get attention. if you don't want it - then make your twitter private!

people are reacting this way because what you did was show incredible lack of judgement - and it lacked any decent way of treating a very sensitive subject. how about trying a little compassion?

i have NO kids at all but i'm not going to be the only one who found your comment on your profile that the paypal button to be "profiting the loss of their daughter" to be incredibly gross.

look this will probably blow over in a few days and people will forget who you are.

leyla a. said...

Katie - rework the blog. I've been moderating comments and found a typo so I fixed it. I also fixed a tag.

Libbey said...

Wow.

I have to admit, at first your comments regarding the Spohrs made me angry. I read your blog and I sure understand how hard life is, especially in this economy. I'm a single Mom, my divorce was very ugly and life has been sad and incredibly hard.
You said in your blog that you hate the "power" MomBloggers have. I guess I'd like to know... why? Especially in this instance - the power we see in outreach is about support for unimaginable grief. I know you that life isn't fair. But for centuries women had NO voice. In many countries, they still don't. You are alienating yourself from an entire group of your peers - people who could actually befriend and support you as well.

We've all put our foot in our mouths, felt angry and alone. And your comments sounded mean and jealous. When I've felt that way, it's been because I was hurt. If that's the case with you - then I'm extending to you the hand of friendship. Maybe you'll make fun of me too - but I'll take the chance. I hope you'll apologize to the Spohrs, not because they need it - but because you've been very offensive. And I hope your intent wasn't as it sounded... I thought it might be a ruse to gain a following on twitter. I actually said so via a tweet - and for that, I'm sorry. I don't know and shouldn't have engaged.

There is so much hate in the world. I'm no goody two-shoes, but I think everyone deserves a voice, and a chance to reconcile themselves when they make bad choices using that voice. I've been fortunate enough to have had opportunities to make amends when I've screwed up. I guess I wanted to help you if I could.

Anyway, you should know I don't know the Spohr family. While researching blogs of interest for a 40+ female targeted ad campaign, I stumbled on Heather Spohr's blogs. I found Maddie's story inspirational. My youngest child almost died twice as an infant - she had open heart surgery at 4.5 weeks of age (she's been scaring the crap outta me since day one, and still does!) Maddie's saga was familiar to me in some ways. I was shocked when she died. And her parents really, really are good people. This isn't about money in any way regarding donations to help.

Finally - what you picture regarding Mommy Bloggers is discriminatory, but I'm curious about how you came to that conclusion. Why do you picture them so awfully?

Whatever your response, I hope life gets better for you. I'm sorry for whatever it is that causes you to feel so defensive - and, I'm sincere - I'm here to help. You should know I'm a little scared to hit publish - but for whatever reason, I'm gonna.
Libbey

leyla a. said...

Libby, thanks for the concern. I have a public email address in my profile. Yet you decided to write me in a public forum, then you wrote about it in your own blog including my twitter profile name - again, drawing more attention to me & the whole situation instead of letting it die.

Michelle said...

I came over here because I wanted to explain to you that sometimes when you lose someone that you love more than the air that you breathe, you are too drained to do anything and that includes eat, drink, get out of bed. The people who set up those paypal donation buttons were greiving friends and supporters of Heather, Mike, and Maddie. THEY did not ask for anything. THEY did not ask for money other than what they wanted to go to March of Dimes in their daughters name. THEY were too busy burying their child. A burial which costs thousands and thousands of dollars.

Sometimes when we are all so filled with greif that we can barely see straight, we are at a loss collectively for how to help. Giving money to Mike and Heather so that they would have one less thing to worry about in the coming days and weeks, is a way to show support to them. And a way to honor the loss of life of a precious 17 month old child.

I came prepared to say that I felt rather badly that your question, seemingly innocent, would garner you so much backlash in the days to come because it was put out there at a time when people's emotions are so raw. But then I saw the "get a fucking job" comment directed at "Mommybloggers". I read it several times and could not decide if it was pardoy or truly how you feel. I understand parody. I understand snarky. Believe me, it is what I do. But, you are going down a bad road here. Gneralizing an entire group of people like that. As if to say that all moms who blog are unemployed, whining, unstable people? Why? Why would you attack a greiving family and an entire group of people trying to support and help them all in one fell swoop?

I am at a loss. I am not publishing this link anywhere, Tweeting it. Blogging it. I don't think anyone should gain any popularity from this debacle.
I will simply this: perhaps you should continue to blog about being single and fabulous and steer clear of tangling with the whiny, unemployed, "MommyBloggers" and greiving mothers. I fear it is a battle that you could not possibly win.

Robin Wilson said...

I typically do not post comments, but your post regarding "mommy" bloggers comes off harsh, I work 50+ hours per week in addition to running my home and raising two children....raising children is a "F@#KING" job.... play dates are NOT about getting drunk and letting kids play with sharp objects. Maybe we can't understand your point of view, but you most certainly do not understand ours. Being a mother is the hardest job you'll ever love with blog to vent so we can get up and do it all over again. Feel free to judge me, I'm totally fine with it.

Lexi said...

You say your blog is "sarcastic commentary". Sarcasm implies humour. Your post was light on humour and heavy on derision. Bashing people for a cheap laugh gets tired pretty quickly.

Moms have power commensurate with their responsibilities. If you have fewer responsibilities, you have less power. This concept is not exclusive to blogging or motherhood, it applies everywhere.

MS said...

I understand that if someone doesn't know the whole back story - they might not "get it".

If you think this is bad just wait until you have kids.

single mom vs married mom,
working mom vs stay at home mom,
rich mom vs poor mom,
circus mom vs lawyer mom,
breast feeding mom vs formula mom,
home school mom vs public school mom,

There is always a war/conflict some where....

leyla a. said...

CIRCUS MOM? I want to meet her! Oh wait....I think I have (see above)

edie & ella said...

I understand that this is your blog so I will refrain from any negative comments about your post. I did just want to let you know that most mommy bloggers are employed outside of the home as well... I work full time 12 hour shifts as an RN and most of the blogs I read are written by working mothers/fathers!
It is impossible to understand how consuming having children can be until you have them...which is obvious from your blog post. I don't think it's that mommy bloggers have power...it's just that in this age group we have being a mommy in common and it is nice to have the support...
When you do have children (if you choose to)....you will clearly understand why there is drinking at playdates.....trust me!!!

leyla a. said...

I like Eddie & Ella. I would probably hang out with you.

Michelle said...

The more I thought about this, I decided to come back and reread your post. Originally, I could not understand why someone would choose to disparage the name of someone who is presently BURYING their 17 month old child. I know you say it was an innocent question, but really, who would look at that paypal donation button and think "Hmmm I wonder if these people are trying to make some cash off this kids death"? Only someone who is rather bitter and cynical I would think. And even, EVEN if you had the thought, why would you put it up on Twitter? Where you see that there is a public greiving process going on for this child, for this family? I just think it showed exceptionally poor judgement and cold heartedness.

And so I came back. I came back to see if anyone had said anything to you that rang true. If you had thought about it, and maybe realized why there is a differance between comedy and cruelty. But, I don't see even a shred of remorse. But hey, it is your blog, it is your life. I think the issue with Maddie should be dropped now.

However, the issue of the "mommybloggers" is a whole different ballgame. I will tell you that most of the moms who are bloggers that I know, will not come here to comment because they don't want to give your comments the time of day. But I couldnt help but comment on your obviously jealousy induced tirade against "mommybloggers".

I can assure you that the majority of them do not "get drunk at playdates and let their kids play with sharp objects". Nor do they sit around and watch Oprah all day and feel undefined. It is truly sad that you have such a slanted view of what women, what mothers do- epecially stay at home mothers.

Didn't you say that your mother was a stay at home mom? Did she sit home and drink all day watching talk shows, waiting for your father to come home with "carry-out thai food", and letting you run with scissors?

If "mommybloggers" do have any power, they have EARNED it! Inside and outside the home. Most of the mothers I know who blog, do so while juggling many responsibilities including full time jobs as doctors, lawyers, writers, CEO's, etc.
I am willing to bet that these moms do more by lunch time then most people do in an entire day, maybe 2.

At first I thought you were just a confused girl asking an innapropriate question, but now, having reread the post, you seem to come off as cynical, jealous, and bitter.

I really hope that if you ever become a parent, you will see how difficult and challenging and wonderful it all is. And hopefully you will never be put in the position to have to deal with someone's cruel insensitivity.

Anonymous said...

Most of the A-List mommy bloggers are (by their own admissions) shitty parents. I think the reason why they have such a big fan base is because there's a ton of shitty parents out there that need validation. It eases their guilt and makes them feel like they're running with the "popular kids".

My 18 yr old daughter lost her good friend to brain cancer on Monday. The family has astronomical medical bills even with insurance. The family didn't broadcast A's 21 month battle with this disease. Sure, they could have and probably would of had the money pouring in from cyber-followers, but they chose to the path of dignity and grace and refused to exploit their daughter.

I'm not saying that this is the case of the Spohr's, but expoliting a child ill or health (as these mommy bloggers do) for money & fame is horrifying and unexcusable.

It seems to me that there's a lot of double-standaring going on with these mommybloggers and their legions of pathetic minions that follow them.

Anonymous said...

I certainly hope no one else does what I did this morning -- pick up on your tweet out of curiosity, see that you have a personal blog AND are trying to use your twitter account to attract business. You've just managed to piss off a rather significant demographic group.
Yeah, I'm going to be anonymous, because you clearly don't care about women like me. I'm a mom who has seen friends (not the Spohrs...but yes, THREE friends to be exact) be told their children may die. I sat next to one of my friends as doctors told her they were putting her 3-day old son on LIFE SUPPORT. That day changed my life, and he wasn't even my son. I'm a mom who stays home with her children and yes questions that decision all the time. It doesn't mean that I question my personal worth, because I had a mother who made me strong. "Get a fucking job" is certainly not the answer to the daily struggles that I have as a parent. Even if you meant it sarcastically, it's not funny. It's disrespectful. So please, please, please...just stop.

leyla a. said...

Seriously, you guys sure know how to throw gasoline on a fire and watch it burn...baby burn.

LET IT GO...find something better to do with your day. The tweets took place almost 24 hours ago, it is over. There is nothing left to see here folks!

sheila s said...

OFFICIAL END TO THIS BLOG

hmmmmm... it seems that I am a day late and a dollar short on what all this is about... darn.

From the perspective of someone that knows little to nothing about what is going on and does not "Tweet" or partake in a "Community of Tweeting"... this is all, well, funny to say the least.
Oh, and I'll throw in confusing too!

Truly, I began with Leyla's original blog post and read about half-way down and started to feel the most intense migraine coming on... I think now it is what propels me to type onward.

Leyla is simply being Leyla.
Saying whatever it is that she wants to on HER OWN blog.
She made her stance clear within this Web entity long ago...

I'm humored and confused by the the commentary that literally spans like 3 paragraphs long... or more?!!
To me... it just seems like a waste of time.

An even greater question that I ask... besides the "Leyla, where is your soul?" , "Leyla, why are you so cruel?" and "Leyla, die bitch?!!"...
IS actually to those that responded (ready?):

"What IS the point of responding?"

It seems so oxymoronic and plain ol' "just don't make no sense"... that people back comments with so much passion and energy... valuable energy (I'd like to think)...
what's the point?

You people are clearly mothers or mother supporters... are you not supposed to be setting an example?

A quick comment or "Fuck you whore, die!" I will admit is really funny, but seriously I can think of 690 other things to do than to, what, teach Leyla a lesson on life?

I guess I'm the person that never really understood the entity known as blogging...
that is, unless you are selling goods or services... educating... basically anything that is socially acceptable in the physical form.
i.e. what you would say to someone in the real world.

I highly doubt any of you would have a sit-down with Leyla to tell her how fucked up her post was...
I mean did anyone even see the part about making breakfast and organizing her under-garments?
Why not comment the fuck outta that?

So Leyla! Yeah you!
I say forget getting a job!
Use that marketing knack you were born with and contact every major companies online marketing department and lace this baby top to bottom with ads.
Because as many "Tweets" or whatever the hell their called... in my world - "hits" you could really be turning a dollar here.
I'm serious.
If people keep responding at this pace you'll have your own ad agency.

For all those that wasted 1 hr. plus on responding to Leyla's original post... well, w/ 3 paragraphs +...
I have a message:

"WAKE UP. YOUR NO BETTER THAN SHE IS."

FOR THE RECORD:
1. This was my first ever, EVER blog post/comment.

2. I'm single, no kids, Scorpio and I work one full-time job, one part-time job and attend school full-time so if anyone wants a list of shit to do... I'm your go-to girl.

3. This will probably be my last blog post/comment.

4. What was MY point you ask?
Besides my 2 jobs and higher education... I am also a soothsayer.
Perhaps you are more comfortable with "spiritual messenger"...
It IS and HAS always been my obligation and birth-right to profess actuality... nothing short of the truth you see.
I know everything.
No falsehood may pass from these lips and/or fingertips.

5. Your wondering how much precious time it took me to type all of this?

Well if you must know... 18 minutes.
I have a severe UTI, so any sudden movement and/or standing/talking would have sent me running for a toilet.
Making that 18 minutes ever so incredibly reasonable.

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST...

6. HA! I didn't use spell check!


(o)~~~

Anonymous said...

Here's the problem with SAHM (stay at home moms)...they live in a bubble. Not every single one, but the vast majority do. Their world revolves around themselves, and their family but only how it relates to them.

It's sad to see them engage in largely meaningless activities to boost their self worth. You have the sweepers (sweepstakes fanatics), coupon clippers, bloggers and the self-defined engineer extraordinaire, "I just made a pencil holder from a empty tube of toothpaste and some paper clips!"

Windy City Hope said...

Just seeing this now. Loved your year end recap -- think I must do one too. I totally saw the humor. TOTALLY!!!