Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Homage to "The Chicago Boat Whore"

Friday, May 1, 2009

Homage to "The Chicago Boat Whore"


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Tonight was absolutely amazing. The day started out with rain and in the afternoon the rain stopped,the sun came out around 5 p.m. The temperature rose as we settled into the evening, making today very reminiscent of a warm, Chicago summer day. Just like a typical, busy Spring/Summer schedule, I had several events this evening. My day started with a networking event for The Social Media Club and then I hopped in a cab and went to the Field Museum for a Wine Enthusiast event. The sequence of my day felt very familiar, very much like summer.








As my long night was coming to an end, I was in a cab heading northbound on Lake Shore Drive I looked out onto Lake Michigan and started to think how incredibly lucky I am to live here. My life exists right here, in the heart of Chicago, and in that moment I felt so fulfilled. I drifted off into the darkness, looking out onto the lake and I started to envision summer: boats on the lake; the beautiful, fresh air; the spontaneity that one feels with the warm weather and humidity. Ask anyone who has lived or visited Chicago in the summer, you will never find a better summer city in the world.



And...finally, after reflecting on all of my Chicago-summers-past, I thought of The Chicago Boat Whore. A very special whore. Every summer she emerges, The Chicago Boat Whore. She comes from the suburbs, the Schaumburgs, The Napervilles, The North Side, The South Side, she is 20, she is 17, she is 40 - she is...THE BOAT WHORE.



We see her in the Play Pen right off Michigan Avenue. We see her at the terrible nightclub later that night wearing her bikini top under her cheap, Bebe T-shirt with her Dior sunglasses on her head. We see her at Tavern on Rush with three Italian guys whose arms are larger than the wheels on their Escalade. We see her hop from one trader's Carver 36' Mariner to a nightclub owner's 42' Sea Ray until she progressively moves on and finally passes out on some trust fund baby's 52' Sundancer.



The affection for The Chicago Boat Whore runs deep and it runs long. Without her, the rest of us, we'd simply remain without any fingers to point. We need The Boat Whore, we need to judge her and her friends in an effort to make ourselves feel smarter and better about who we are. Witnessing The Boat Whore makes us feel better about our bodies and the fact that it is OK for us to have an abdomen and a place to store our intestines. Much unlike The Boat Whore, we digest our food. The Boat Whore, her food is re-released straight from the throat therefore bypassing the abdomen, intestines and colon altogether. We need The Boat Whore to know what 300 cc's of silicon actually looks like on a blow up doll. Tits on a stick, if you will.



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