Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Too Funny NOT to Post!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Too Funny NOT to Post!

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I just got home about 10 minutes ago, about 6:30 on a Wednesday night. I pull into the loading zone in front of my building, put my flashers, and notice two police cars sitting in front. I know something is up! My building is notorious for crazy, resident issues.

As I walk into the building, I see two cops talking to "Ron" (or what we'll call him), a balding man who is blind in one eye, about 50 years old. "Ron" has a history of creating problems in the building. He is one of those guys who thinks that everything should happen in an orderly fashion....according to his order.

Before I get into the story, I should paint a picture of "Ron". Once "Ron" and I happen to be in the lobby together when another resident walked outside to smoke a cigarette. It was raining so The Smoker was not standing a full 15 feet away from the front door, he was standing under the building's awning. "Ron" storms outside and demands that The Smoker stand 5 more feet away. The smoker pleads with him, politely, and explains that it is raining and that he is not bothering anyone. Which he wasn't and our building door almost never opens so no smoke was getting into the building either. "Ron" becomes belligerent to the extend that The Smoker extinguishes his cigarette and walks back inside.

Back to present day. As I approach the building, I can hear the police asking "Ron" some questions. "Ron" is talking about Whole Foods or something and the cop says, "I don't need your whole life story, just what happened tonight". I chuckle silently to myself and head inside anticipating a full report from my doorman.

When I walk in, I ask my doorman "What did crazy do now?" referring to "Ron". My doorman calmly goes into the facts at hand without divulging too much personal detail - like a good doorman should.

My doorman explains to me that "Ron" had his apartment door propped wide open for some time, which is an odd thing to do when you live in a condo building. His neighbor across the hall, a slender, blond woman in her late 30s - early 40s, opens her door and says, "My, that is some stench you've got coming from in there...." and proceeds to ask "Ron" to close his door. (This building has an interesting flow of air and you can easily smell your neighbors apartment, an open door significantly contributes to the air pressure flow.) "Ron" does not close his door, but instead, says to his neighbor "Fuck you, you fucking cunt." Which she did not appreciate and their argument escalates. The argument ends with "Ron" chasing his female neighbor down the hallway to where the other neighbors had to phone the police.

The only reason "Ron" did not go to jail tonight was because he never actually struck his neighbor. I want to add that I live in a fairly small building, only 19 stories with not too many units on each floor. Although I rarely see my neighbors, we do live in pretty close quarters. This is SO not normal.

1 comment :

Jen said...

I'm a condo dweller as well, and it definitely makes for some interesting living! I can't imagine anyone here leaving their door open. We're all so private that our skin practically crawls when we have to stand in an elevator together, lol! It's like some sort of human experiment here!