Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Sunday Morning

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sunday Morning

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I woke up this morning (it is Sunday) around 8 a.m. The bright sun woke me prematurely as I tend to sleep in until 10ish on Sunday mornings. I normally spend the day at home doing things around my apartment but today I had a hungering for a bit of change. I grabbed my internet and headed to Starbucks.

To add to the change, I ordered a cappuccino - I normally have a double espresso. I situated myself at a table outside, as far away from the multitude of dog-people on the patio, and sat down with my internet news and my heavily armed iPod. I was ready for an hour or so of relaxing and reading about the Taliban, the recession and health care peppered in with a bit of celebrity gossip. Celebrity gossip just has not been the same since Lindsay Lohan tamed her drugging ways.

Sunday Morning

I skimmed my first article, reading about Ramadan and how people in Egypt are celebrating while John Lennon's Imagine played on the iPod. The headline "The Country has Fallen to Decadence" captured me and I drifted for a minute, just how nice that would be if the country were to actually fall to decadence. Half way though the second article, I noticed something. I felt strange. I stopped reading and paid closer attention to this little nagging feeling, what was it? Then it became apparent, it was loneliness. I was feeling lonely.

I often crave solitude and rarely feel lonely or sad so I put down my internet and embraced this feeling. I listened to the voice inside me as it begged to be heard. Leonard Cohen's In My Secret Life played on the iPod as I watched annoying preppy couples and their dumb dogs sit down with their coffee in front of me. I reflected upon missed opportunities in the past and the limitations that age will bring in the future. Just as the sadness was fleeting, I picked my internet back up and decided to chronicle this feeling.

I felt shame and I hesitated as I started to type. We are not supposed to admit that we feel alone or that we fear that we'll be alone in the future. Particularly as a woman, a single, childless woman fast approaching 40, we are supposed to brave the future pretending all the while that the thought of being alone doesn't frighten us or at least make us wonder about decisions we made in the past.

The iPod battery just died and some fat dude attempts to sit next to me wearing a Bears shirt. The big logo on his orange shirt accentuates his huge gut, my face is oozing with disgust as his belly nearly knocks over the table. I remember it is Sunday in Chicago and return to my my internet news, Black Hawk crash kills two US service men in Iraq while unemployment soars back home. I keep my headphones on to save myself from the dog people though I am slightly smitten with this fellow Woody who sits beside me.

Woody at Starbucks

Ben Sherman (eFashion Solutions)

Related Post: Just a Brief Retrospective


Anonymous said...

What's wrong with dog people???

leyla said...

Nothing. If you're a dog person.

aBigHairySpider said...

Online friends are no substitution for physical presence, but nevertheless, you're never really alone. I'm sure I'm not the only one around who wishes you happy times. Now, I couldn't put this message on Twitter since you're my #nemesis and would be compelled to add some sort of insult.

holidayb1 said...

although i am a dog person, i get what you mean. and his face is very sweet - no like the 500 labs/goldens you usually see.

Jon Sterling said...

Sundays in Chicago are part of the whole program. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's every bit as valid and appreciated as the beer-guzzling tailgaters' experiences, I suppose.

We could learn a lot from our dogs, don't you think? Especially in downtown Chicago, where they usually don't have big backyards or other open spaces to run and play. Yet, every day, they wake-up, excited to do EVERYTHING. No complaining...just pure joy and excitement. Not a bad life plan, if you ask me.

wkellyo said...

Very nice post. Looking at the other replies, I feel I must say that I like dogs.

Lately, thanks to many of the people we share in our respective networks, I am getting out more and putting faces with the people.

Your post resonated with me because lately I have been... re-evaluating some of the decisions I have made in my life.

Mostly because I was recently inundated with Facebook requests from people I grew up with and having every damn one of them ask me why I never married.

I never considered until lately the focus I put on work, school, and other responsibilities. Or is it choices?

leyla said...

dear lord, if I had a dollar for every old HS friend on FB who asked me "why aren't you married?"

Ugh! I usually say, "Because I'm smart".