Tonight, I would like to take you on a journey. I was tired earlier and I am no longer tired, therefore, I hope you will join me for a few minutes of fine entertainment as I take you through...The Progression of the Life of Doug.
Approximately a week ago, perhaps slightly more, I noticed a strange bump on my forehead. I felt like a zit at first. A big zit, but it was very spread out. I thought perhaps the botox I injected in my forehead over the summer had my forehead so frozen that it stopping the zit from forming into a head. But that was not the case. The next day, I awoke to find a bump on my forehead about the size of a nickle, an oblong nickle. The bump hurt and it clearly stood out, raised from my forehead..
Doug in the beginning
On the first few days, there was not any redness, just a bump and pain. It was at this point that my friend Mike named him "Doug". (He stole it from the Family Guy). The following morning, Doug had taken over my face. Doug now stood in the way of my vision, he was putting pressure on my botox frozen forehead and causing my eyes to swell.
One might not be able to see from the photo above, but the bridge of my nose was also swollen. And the large bump was pushing my eyes, almost making me look Asian. It was weird. At this point, many advised that I go see a doctor. But I know better than this. The last time I had a problem, my eye swelling incident (and I am SO MAD that I deleted those pictures), I went into my doctor's office. My doctor took one look at me and said, "Wow, that's pretty bad". He then asked me a bunch of questions that I knew I was already going to say "no" to. Like, did I eat something different, change detergent, blah blah blah. No, nothing was different, if I had done any of things, I would have said, "Oh my god, I ate shrimp last night and look at me now!" I had simply woken up one day with TWO HUGE PUFFY EYES. This time around, regarding Doug, I didn't need to pay him $100 to tell me to put Neosporin on it and come back if it persists. Instead, I figured I would see him should it persist. (this is a plug for Health Care reform!)
Well, Doug did get worse before he got better.
He went from a big bump with a slightly reddish tone to a GIANT RED DOT on my forehead that stood like 2 millimeters off my head. And, Doug really hurt! He itched and hurt!
I started to Tweet about Doug. I'd wake up and snap a photo and share it with my Twitter friends. They're all going to miss Doug that is why I am chronicling the life of Doug here in this blog.
Doug scabbing over
Doug, still lurking. Scabbed over completely and lurking.
Today, I put a bit of make-up on Doug but I am only pretending to fool myself. When you have a GIANT thing in the middle of your forehead, you can put whatever you want on it, people are going to see it and laugh at you. So, now, I have this weird, red scabby thing on my forehead with gross, caked on brown make up on top of it. Oh wait, I should mention, it is totally raining in Chicago and my hair is an afro. I look totally hot.
Nothing weird happens with Doug today but this evening, I am leaving the Film Festival and I get a little itch on my forehead where Doug lives (it happens often) and without even realizing, I pick the scab! I think "Oh, man, it is over!"
I head out of the theater and over to Nordstrom to look at some shoes. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror of the shoe department and what do I see? DOUG IS BLOODY RED! I have a bloody dot on my forehead that is the brightest red it has ever been. And, it looks like a tiny butt-hole. The scab I picked was not quite ready! The skin under the scab was trying to heal and it was puckering to fill the hole where Doug lived. So, I had to walk around the mall with a bloody, red Butt-hole on my forehead. Then walk home too.
I went to my mom's for dinner and she mocked me. Pointed at my face and threw her head back in laughter. That was fun. But I think the worst is behind us.