Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Yes, I Have Been Ignorning You

Friday, March 5, 2010

Yes, I Have Been Ignorning You


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I started this ridiculous 28 Day Blogging Challenge that the infamous @thescottbishop implemented. At first, I was hesitant to join but then I became agreeable and joined his herd of bloggers. That was a mistake and I am here to tell you why.

I started this blog because I wanted a platform; a place where I could say whatever the BLEEP I wanted to say. I started out without much fear but had to curb that and tame it down a bit because my readership grew and I feared I would be held accountable for my words (which is a real fear). As I started to realize how to grow a base of "readers", I found myself writing less for me and more for them. Now, I go back and forth - sometimes I write for my readers and sometimes I write for me. I write about work-related stuff and I write about me-related stuff. Some of you are here for me and some of you are here for the valuable information I give away.

When I started the 28 Day Blogging Challenge, I stopped writing for me, I stopped writing for you - I started WRITING FOR SCOTT BISHOP. My blog became work and I stopped writing. I write for work ENOUGH. I write a blog for a client and I am in the process of writing 90% of the content for a website I've developing for forever and a day. The last thing I need is to put a deadline or some sort of a parameter on MY PERSONAL BLOG.

Here is what happened...
I started strong. I wanted to meet @thescottbishop's challenge. And, for about 2 days, I did. By day 3, I started to hate Scott Bishop with a burning passion. I found myself saying horrible things about Scott Bishop - loudly and in public. I would forget to blog, realize I had forgotten just as I was falling asleep and get out of bed to write a damn post! The first day I skipped a post, I was riddled with guilt and felt the need to apologize to Scott Bishop.

By the second time I forgot to blog, I felt guilt, resentment, anger and feelings of failure. All because of a stupid 28 Day Blogging Challenge. When this happens to me, I bury things. So, I buried MY BLOG! THIS PLATFORM OF MINE THAT I LOVE. All because of SCOTT BISHOP!!!! The last straw was last week when I had horrible dreams about Scott. I dreamed that he had kidnapped me and was making me drive the getaway car as he knocked off gas stations and liquor stores. True story. I really did have that dream. That was when I had to quit.

Clearly, I know that the aggression was mis-directed. Scott didn't do anything wrong! Scott came up with a brilliant idea, a great challenge. The anger was misguided. I was really mad at MYSELF for sucking but my brain is really good at pointing fingers.

What did the 28 Day Challenge prove to me? What were my results? I will tell you - Look at my last post, it was February 19th! Look at my other posts, I rarely skip more than 2 days. What I learned was... When forced to write, Leyla doesn't write!

From this point forward, I write what I want, when I want about what I want! Got it Scott Bishop!?! You are not the boss of me!
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