Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: After Shopping for Swimsuits This Week, I Owe @KirstieAlley an Apology

Friday, May 27, 2011

After Shopping for Swimsuits This Week, I Owe @KirstieAlley an Apology

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Swimsuit Season is Upon Us....Ready or Not

I spent most of my Monday nights watching Dancing With the Stars on ABC, and in those 1-2 hours, I (lovingly) mocked Kirstie Alley over and over again. I mocked her weight, I mocked her costumes, I mocked her when she almost broke Maksim's leg, I mocked her when her shoe came off and I mocked her at the end of each dance when she was panting like a dog in 90 degree heat.  

However, I must add, that I also had great respect for Kirstie Alley on Dancing With the Stars, I thought she was highly professional, I found her to be sensual on the dance floor. I did not think she was the best dancer, but I did think she was the best for her age. I also thought she worked it better than most everyone else. (I was glad that Hines Ward walked away with the mirror ball trophy.)

As I shopped for swimsuits this week, I thought of Kirstie Alley
I headed to Nordstrom for their half-yearly sale and marched straight up to the swimsuits. I am leaving for Vegas for Memorial Day weekend and I needed something. As I searched for a suit, I commented loudly to my shopping companion, "My only goal is to not look like Kirstie Alley in Dancing With the Stars." I did not want to look like an aging, overweight, peacock while sitting poolside with two blondes (one who is 5'11 and about 135 lbs and the other about 5'4" and about 100 lbs). In fact, if it were socially acceptable, I would rather wear a birkini to the pool in Vegas.


I informed the sales associate that I was looking for something elegant and that it had to be a one-piece (or a birkini). I am about 10-20 lbs away from a bikini. The problem is, I don't want to look like my mother. Shopping for a suit of this nature is a terrible thing. 

I tried on a few pieces:
Badgley Mischka - a one piece in a solid fuchsia with criss-cross top and an empire waist that slims the torso. It also comes with a "Powernet" tummy lining to hold in your gut. The suit came in multiple colors, I tried it on in fuchsia and black. It did not work well on me.

The next suit I tried on was a Badgley Mischka bandeau top, one-piece swimsuit in this pewter color. It was very elegant but I looked like my mother (and not at all like this woman here). It had great detailing along the top of the suit and it was less expensive than the one above. The color did not work with my skin tone either.

I finally settled for this one-piece, black swimsuit with a bandeau top and more ruching to hide certain aspects that I would rather not have sticking out as much. It was a bathing suit from either Luxe or Blanca.

Additionally, I brought this strapless suit home too.  I think I like the idea of something strapless so I can get a bit more sun without worrying about a weird tan line. This suit is also by Luxe by Lisa Vogel.  And both of these last two suits can be found online at swimspot

All jokes aside, I am truly hoping that everyone would rather gamble this weekend in Vegas than sit by the pool.  I am going to do my best to make up any excuse possible to NOT go to the pool.  Work, gym, shopping - you name it.  I just do not want my body, stuffed inside of a black one-piece, swimsuit with ruching, like a big white sausage, walking around the pool area of my friends' luxury condominium complex in Las Vegas.



Anonymous said...

Wow. Shallow much?

leyla said...

If you're going to insult mustn't do it anonymously.