Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: My Morning Routine - It is Not Pretty!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

My Morning Routine - It is Not Pretty!

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Won't You Enjoy My (Painful) Morning Routine? 

Yesterday I volunteered for a blogging challenge, this is the first blog post of a series I will be writing for the next 30 days. Don't worry, they won't all be this crappy. 

With nothing to say, I've resorted to writing about my reluctancy to wake up each morning. Please bear with me over these next few posts, I am out of practice. As my blogging gains momentum, you'll be riveted - you'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll cheer! You're welcome.

My Morning Routine
6:30 a.m. my iPhone alarm goes off

At 6:30 a.m. each morning, the first of 17 or 20 alarms goes off. I set the first alarm simply for the satisfaction of turning it off. Look at me up there, comfortably tucked away in my stark white sheets, resting my lovely head on cozy pillows, buried under my luxurious coverlet that is accented by my functional yet stylish blanket. How could one bring oneself to willingly wake from this slumber? 

Leyla in bed
7:00 a.m. denial fades as reality rears its ugly head

WGN Morning News has been on for approximately 20 minutes (or after alarm #4). Robin and Larry have made me laugh a handful of times, yet they're unable to motivate me from the bed and into the shower. At least 10 or 15 murder stories have been reported on, and I've read at least 400 nonsensical tweets.

It is at this hour where I start to bargain with myself... "If you get up now, you can have a nice leisurely walk to work, it is a beautiful day and you like walking, you need the exercise and it helps with your stress and anxiety - it sets the tone for the day. Do it Leyla, get up now!"

My bargaining proves useless, next come the threats. "Great a-hole, now it's almost 7:30 a.m., you've been laying here for one hour! You realize what this means, you'll have to cab it to work AGAIN! Do you have any idea how much you spend on taxis? You're an idiot!"

Leyla A. Getting in the Shower
7:39 a.m. steam from the shower intensifies, the inevitable is here  

I send 5 or 6 more tweets in sheer rebellion. If I step into that shower, I've succumbed - I must resist! Perhaps if I check work email I can justify being late. Anything, I'll do nearly anything to stop this madness, please god, please don't make me go to work. 

At 7:46 a.m. the ruthless day has taken me. I will spend the next 10 or 12 hours as it's obedient servant. I will not complain as I endure the horrific fluorescent lighting that makes me wish for blindness. I will smile as they walk by my cube. I will respond to their email requests with vigor. And most of all, I will not be petulant and I will not cry (even though I will want to cry so badly). 

And when the day is finished with me and I am released from it's Jabba the Hutt esque prison, I will return home and fight sleep for a few hours. For I only have a few precious hours until the cycle repeats itself. In that precious time at home, I will lay still and alone and watch King of Queens in my pyjamas. 

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