Sunday Morning Soliloquy - Musings of an Urbanite: Wanted: Amish Hipster Boyfriend

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Wanted: Amish Hipster Boyfriend

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Seeking your assistance with this crucial request. 

I am on the hunt for an Amish Hipster for a short-to-long term relationship, if you are able to help, that would be great. Please read below for the conditions and/or preferences required of my Amish Hipster boyfriend-to-be.  

Photo courtesy of  Personal Shoplifter

Leyla, Why An Amish Hipster? 
That's a good question. A few months ago I was in Las Vegas with the lovely and talented Monica Samuels, and our equally lovely friend Katie G., where I happened upon a mysterious man at the blackjack table. He was wearing a plaid shirt, he had a thick, dark beard, skinny jeans and vans - he was part backwoods lumber-jack, part skateboarder, part brooding thug - an Amish Hipster, a concise and apt description. 

I watched my Amish Hipster flit about the room from nickel slot to the quarter machines, it was evident he was waiting for his friends and not really gambling. I played it cool and I did the dance - making eye contact for just a moment longer than one should... if one were not intentionally trying to make eye contact. I was about to go in for the kill and suddenly I felt silly. What was I going to do with one of those Amish Hipsters? What would we talk about? He was probably too young and his friends were "total bros" (as the kids say these days). I aborted the mission - no Amish Hipster in Vegas for Leyla. 

However, since that night, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this newer genre of males. And, unlike that night in Vegas, I do believe I could have enough in common with the RIGHT Amish Hipster. So, what's the problem? You ask. I am a homebody and I have no clue where the kids hangout these days, but I believe it's some shitty bar with an arcade. This is why I need your help! Help me find the Amish Hipster of my dreams.  

What An Amish Hipster Boyfriend Looks Like (for me) 
In your quest, please be considerate of the criteria I have outlined below. I worry about a man who has put extreme thought into his appearance and made such a concerted effort to conform (as he pretends not to conform). Therefore, to best ensure that this Amish Hipster and I will "click", a certain set of criteria should be met. Well, unless you get me Ricki Hall, I will have zero standards for him, he can pee on the rug for all I care. I mean look at him! 

Ricki Hall photo courtesy of Mens Style Fashion 
Keep scrolling for the criteria, do not get distracted by Ricki Hall.

Criteria - In No Order of Importance
  1. He must be gainfully employed. Preferably, as a professional with some sort of a boring desk job. He can be a writer or artists, so long as he truly works. Many guys out there embrace the Amish Hipster look, but they're bartenders - experience has proven that will not work for me. Nothing wrong with bartenders, I love them, I used to be one, but I am too old to date a bartender. I need to relate to my Amish Hipster when we talk about our day, the conversation should include a lateral exchange of experiences.  
  2. He should be smart. I would like my Amish Hipster to be informed and have the ability to hold a conversation on a number of topics. Whether it is politics, religion, civil rights, fashion, science, history, current events, or all of the above. I would like this fellow to be well-rounded and witty. 
  3. He has to be age appropriate. I fear this might be the toughest ask of all. I just don't think there are very many Amish Hipsters out there who fall into my target age-range of men. I prefer an Amish Hipster between the ages of 37 and 45. I am willing to go older, but seeking a 47 yr old amish Hipster is like looking for a purple squirrel. 
  4. He needs fashion sense and appreciate quality goods. I think a lot of these Amish Hipster types shop at the same store, they're like copycats of each other, but I want my Amish Hipster to be slightly more evolved from a fashion perspective. T-shirts are fine, so long as he is able to couple the look with something more significant in the pant and footwear department.
  5. He is open to dating regular girls. Be sure to ask this question, because I don't want to disappoint the Amish Hipster, as he will surmise rather quickly that I am NOT a female Amish Hipster. If he is open-minded, he should be OK with it, but be warned finding an open-minded Amish Hipster will be difficult. Someone who works hard at establishing a fashionable persona will want to complete the "look" with his partner.

There you have it folks! This is what I am looking for, please leave a comment if you have any recommendations. You can also TWEET me or tag me on Instagram with your recommendations. Be sure to share this post with your friends who have aging hipster-y friends. And if you are unable to find an Amish Hipster, I will also accept suggestions for the Elegant Dandy Hipster boyfriend.

Francois Verkerk Photo Courtesy of Beards & Barbers

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@leyla_a on Twitter 
@leylaruinseverything on Instagram 

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